am i not worth? (Thursday, December 14, 2006 / 11:04 PM)
feeling damn emo these days. duno why. mayb cuz of common test then also cuz of tt same old smokin issue.
at times i really feel like giving everything up. but the moment i see u, everything change. i duno why i dun have enough determination to end all these sufferings and a lil bit of happiness. someone said it's because in my heart, there is still you. she said that i do not have enough hatred to end this r/s. true enough, i dont hate u. i juz dislike the things you do. to u it may b something small, something that is part of ur daily life. but to me, it's disgusting. everything u like to do is everything i hate to get near to.
you like to smoke, i hate smokers
you like to spit, i find it gross
you like to make me wait, i dont have patience
you like to shout at me, i hate it when u shout
you like to scold vulgarities at me, i hate to listen to them
all these little things have become a big issue to me. lix said he doesnt know what im doing. ask me accept, i cannot. ask me give up, i cant let go. he's tried to phsyco me tt smoking aint anything bad. yeah, i know. but to me it's very bad. to me, it's something smelly, unhealthy, dirty.
i duno why we have been turning round and round in circles, coming to the same point over and over again, quarreling over the same issue. mayb it's all because of me. u are living happily. happily with me, ur cig, ur lighter, ur frens. but im nt!!! not any happy at all when im with the you who smokes. why?? why can't u juz let me off?? i told u tt we would be better off alone. why wouldnt u believe?? u r makin me so tired, so sad, so disappointed over and over again. everything is repeating itself and we are still in the circle, not at all moving on, do u even realise??!!??
AM I NOT WORTHY ENOUGH FOR YOU TO QUIT FOR ME??!!??!!
i duno wad i wanna do now. all i noe is tt i want u to quit. continue at your own risk.
i shan't say anymore.
i dun wanna be there anymore.
i wanna move on for now.
